When To Consult Books On Small Talk
Everyone takes classes in school for various academic subjects, but also for useful skills like shop and home economics. Unfortunately, no one ever teaches young people how to present themselves in important business or social settings, despite the fact that these can be tremendously important in determining eventual success in life. Fortunately, all those under-educated graduates can put a capstone on their years by reading books on small talk.
There is a distinct minority of people among us who simply seem to have a gift for making a dinner party shine with their conversation. Often enough, these turn out to be those raised in upper middle class or just plain upper class families, among whom effective light talk is a matter of training. Most will admit that one of the advantages inherent in an Ivy League background is not about academic excellence at all, but rather, in being trained to talk about nothing in an engaging way.
Many people have the intelligence and ability to succeed, but are held back in subtle ways because of their blue collar manners. Such people are nearly a stock character in old novels. They are the just-arrived wealthy who are disliked by the old money types who party at the Hamptons, but who are just too powerful to avoid completely. Characters like this are immediately marked by their unsophisticated conversation.
In any number of situations, being able to make good conversation can be a tremendous advantage. Dating life is among the more obvious of these spheres of life, a sphere that is not just about conversing with a date over dinner but the right kind of flirting at a dinner party. By "dating life" one also includes random moments when one meets someone in a supermarket, at work, or on the street.
Business and commerce afford an endless number of scenarios which can be made use of by an ambitious, well spoken person. The poor person who gets his big break charming a rich man during an elevator ride is the stuff of movies, but it does happen. In some business situations, especially the sale and the interview, conversational skill can be enormously important.
Life is full of scenarios that seem breezy on the surface, but which quietly seethe with tension. For an up and coming poet, an established poet's reading can be a place where one makes all important contacts. But this must always be done with a casual air, without seeming like one is too obviously "on the make."
The jokes have to be funny, but not scandalous, and by all means, not familiar. It is important to be interested in a wide range of topics, but not fanatical or passionate about any of them. A good rule of thumb is to hold within oneself a desire to make each person one encounters pleased to have done so.
It is rude not to talk to everybody, or at least a broad range of people. One must not fall into the habit saving one's newly found wit for those who will be useful. This way one gets not only invited to the right parties, but invited back.
There is a distinct minority of people among us who simply seem to have a gift for making a dinner party shine with their conversation. Often enough, these turn out to be those raised in upper middle class or just plain upper class families, among whom effective light talk is a matter of training. Most will admit that one of the advantages inherent in an Ivy League background is not about academic excellence at all, but rather, in being trained to talk about nothing in an engaging way.
Many people have the intelligence and ability to succeed, but are held back in subtle ways because of their blue collar manners. Such people are nearly a stock character in old novels. They are the just-arrived wealthy who are disliked by the old money types who party at the Hamptons, but who are just too powerful to avoid completely. Characters like this are immediately marked by their unsophisticated conversation.
In any number of situations, being able to make good conversation can be a tremendous advantage. Dating life is among the more obvious of these spheres of life, a sphere that is not just about conversing with a date over dinner but the right kind of flirting at a dinner party. By "dating life" one also includes random moments when one meets someone in a supermarket, at work, or on the street.
Business and commerce afford an endless number of scenarios which can be made use of by an ambitious, well spoken person. The poor person who gets his big break charming a rich man during an elevator ride is the stuff of movies, but it does happen. In some business situations, especially the sale and the interview, conversational skill can be enormously important.
Life is full of scenarios that seem breezy on the surface, but which quietly seethe with tension. For an up and coming poet, an established poet's reading can be a place where one makes all important contacts. But this must always be done with a casual air, without seeming like one is too obviously "on the make."
The jokes have to be funny, but not scandalous, and by all means, not familiar. It is important to be interested in a wide range of topics, but not fanatical or passionate about any of them. A good rule of thumb is to hold within oneself a desire to make each person one encounters pleased to have done so.
It is rude not to talk to everybody, or at least a broad range of people. One must not fall into the habit saving one's newly found wit for those who will be useful. This way one gets not only invited to the right parties, but invited back.
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